Do you feel like the star juggler in your own circus, trying to keep all the balls in the air – house, kids, job, partner, life admin…
So many women feel that all they do is give, give, give! Is it any wonder so many are stressed, exhausted and overwhelmed.
The exhausted superwoman
If feeling stressed, exhausted and overwhelmed is not bad enough, the consequences are worse. Being under constant pressure and stress makes you less resilient, less tolerant and much less effective. The result? You become reactive, irritable, less patient or even depressed. Then what follows? Feelings of guilt for feeling that way.
There is something else that many women will experience, and it can be very destructive. Yet only a few will openly express and address it. And it’s resentment. Resentment towards their situation, their partner, and even their children at times.
The problem with the superwoman
A woman feeling resentful is not uncommon, but it can be very damaging for relationships. Just like rust will eventually destroy a ship, resentment will destroy a relationship.
Resentment often leads to withdrawal, detachment and tension. It is the result of feeling unsupported and ultimately feeling unloved. Many women often blame their partner for their predicament. They complain about the lack of support, being taken for granted and feeling exhausted. For many women this is their reality, yet what is also true is that women who suffer from the ‘superwoman syndrome’ are not helping the situation.
The superwoman’s curse
When women experience resentment, why do so few openly acknowledge or express it? The answer is usually guilt! Many women feel guilty that they don’t cope as well as they think they ‘should’. These are the women who suffer from ‘superwomen syndrome’. They falsely believe that everyone else is coping just fine, that other women facing similar circumstances have everything under control. They compare themselves to the illusionary ‘superwoman’, which is easy to do. This is fuelled by many factors; social media probably tops the list.
Why being a ‘superwoman’ is not very helpful
It’s true, there’s a lot of inequality when it comes to running a household, life admin, having a career, kids and relationship maintenance. Interestingly, trying to be superwoman, rather than addressing this inequality actually makes it worse. Is it possible that you yourself stand in the way of getting your needs met, having time for yourself and creating a more equal relationship with your significant other?
Are you suffering from superwoman syndrome? Remember, you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.
Which of the following statements apply to you?
- You compare yourself to other women in similar situations
- You feel anxious when you’re not in control
- You feel that ‘if you don’t do, it won’t get done’
- You do things for your children, or partner, that they could easily do themselves
- You feel most things are left up to you
- You take on too much
- You are a perfectionist
If you find yourself agreeing with most, or all, of these statements, you are more than likely suffering from superwoman syndrome.
Myth: There is no such thing as superwoman. It’s time women united to dispel this myth.
Set yourself free; losing superwoman and finding you
Here is what you can do:
Recognise. Recognise that you are a wonderful human being, not superwoman. You can only do what is humanly possible.
Be realistic. Be realistic about your time. Don’t try to do everything. Don’t try to cram two or three days into one.
Don’t go into overwhelm. Prioritise and take one step at the time. What can be done tomorrow can wait till tomorrow.
Be yourself. Find out more about who you are and what makes you tick. It’s imperative to know what is important to you, what you really need and what you desire. This might be different from anyone else on the planet. Give yourself permission to be uniquely you and who you are meant to be.
Don’t neglect yourself. Think about the last time you went on a plane trip. Do you remember the safety procedure should the oxygen masks come down? Put the mask on yourself first! Without you getting your ‘oxygen’ you can’t be there for others. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Don’t be ruled by ‘shoulds.’ Don’t blindly comply with consensus reality (what everyone else seems to do and want). Don’t let others tell you what you should do. For example, just because other children attend multiple after school activities doesn’t mean that yours should, or need to, do the same.
Learn to say no. It is important to set boundaries – if you have children, this includes them as well. People will know where they stand and while they might not like it, it helps set and manage expectations. For children, it gives them a sense of security – you are also teaching them to set boundaries. Setting boundaries, including time boundaries, stops you from giving and doing too much. Also, when you say no to others you are saying yes to yourself.
Respect yourself to be respected. If you don’t respect yourself, how can you expect others to respect you? There is a very sobering principle; people who don’t respect themselves, their time, and their needs, will not get respect from others.
Learn to let go. One of the greatest curses of the superwoman is wanting everything to be perfect. Stop being a tyrannical perfectionist and don’t demand perfection either. Learn not to sweat the small stuff. Perfectionists also tend to make the most work for themselves.
Create time for you. When a car has an empty battery, it won’t go anywhere. One of the most important things is to take time out to recharge your own battery. Yes, the operative word here is ‘take’. Time for yourself will rarely be found or given. You have to take it or create it. This is essential if you want to be able to cope, be resilient and function well.
Women that consistently meet the needs of others, at the expense of their own wellbeing, are far more likely to experience stress and discontent. They often see themselves as ‘victims’ and victims often become resentful.
Tell people what you need. Do you know why so many women are unsuccessful at getting their needs met? They typically say what they don’t want! They try to get their needs met in the most ineffective and often destructive ways. Tell people what you do want, not what you don’t want or what doesn’t work. Be clear and precise in communicating your needs, both in a personal and professional environment.
Maintain the ship. I know many women who live in beautiful homes, drive lovely cars, wear designer clothes whilst their relationship is a shipwreck! More than your house and other ‘material’ possessions, your relationship needs to be maintained. You need to nurture your relationship. This is not just up to you – it works both ways. You don’t maintain your relationship by disconnecting or not communicating effectively and in turn, not getting your needs met.
What are you indirectly teaching? If you have children, what are you teaching them? That a woman’s role is to be superwoman?
Conclusion: It is time to sack the superwoman
Question: What is the one thing that might stop the superwoman from getting their needs met?
Answer: They simply don’t know or cannot communicate what they need.
Consider the following questions:
- What really drives you and makes you tick?
- What makes you feel content, satisfied and fulfilled?
- What gives your life purpose and meaning?
If you can’t answer these questions, there is a big risk that you are chasing happiness where it can’t be found. Answer these questions and the truth will set you free.
Stop chasing the elusive and looking for answers where they can’t be found
You can remove the guesswork by completing our quick and easy self-assessment – it takes less than 5 minutes. Your profile will reveal what you need to feel content, satisfied and fulfilled more often. You will learn about the positive and limiting behaviours associated with your profile, and how you can create more balance and harmony in your life.
As women, we can feel enormous pressure to “have it all’. But many of us are re-evaluating what’s important, and redefining what really matters.
Prioritise your happiness and wellbeing – remember, time waits for no one. Don’t let a busy life stop you from living a fulfilling and meaningful one.
