A ‘need’ is essential for healthy human functioning. When you don’t get your needs met, you often feel frustrated and unfulfilled. If you want to feel content and satisfied more often, the first step is knowing what you need. Read more…
We all share primary human needs. According to Maslow, once our basic physiological and safety needs are met, we progress up the order to fulfil the next level.
Needs are what we ‘must satisfy’ in order to function well. They’re essential to our wellbeing, motivated by what honours the essence of who we are.
Secondary needs and why they matter
Just as you need water, food, and shelter to survive, you have certain needs that are connected to your overall happiness and wellbeing. It’s actually these needs, your secondary needs, that represent what is important to you. When you don’t get your secondary needs met you can feel disconnected, discontent, and unfulfilled. This can result in reverting to negative and limiting behaviours to try and satisfy your needs, which can be quite destructive.
Warning
There is a big difference between having needs and being needy. Having needs is essential for healthy functioning or inner fulfilment, whereas being needy is driven by insecurity.
The difference between needs, wants, and likes
You need to be aware of the difference between a need, want or like.
You might want or like a five-star holiday or a luxury car, but these are not essential for healthy human functioning. Whilst it’s understandable that children, teenagers, and young adults might have difficulty distinguishing the difference between needs, wants and likes, many adults do not know the difference and often mistake wants and likes for needs as well.
Take the ice-cream test
When exploring your needs, put it to the ice-cream test. Ask yourself if this is required for my physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual wellbeing or is it something I want, like or think I ‘should’ have? You might also want to consider why you specifically think you need this.
What you often think will make you happy might be the very thing that fuels your discontent. Society does a great job, with the help advertising, to create superficial needs based on creating discontent and the feeling of lack. This has been further fuelled by social media.
Often the subtle and not so subtle messages elicit feelings of not being good enough unless you have x y or z. And it works! Companies would not spend billions on advertising if it didn’t work, would they? In order to sell something, there has to be a need; either real or perceived. Often the need is just an illusion and not essential for healthy human functioning; it would not pass the ice cream test.
If we spent just 10% of all advertising dollars on educating people about what really makes them feel satisfied and fulfilled, the world would be a very different place. But then our western economies are based on perpetuating myths which ultimately fuel further discontent. Of course, consumerism keeps the economy going and society functioning, so like most things it is a double-edged sword.
Understanding what you really need will enable you to become much more discerning. You will be able to make more informed and empowered decision about what you choose to pursue.
So, the next time you think you need something, put it to the ice-cream test. Ask yourself, is this a need, want or something I would like. There is nothing wrong with liking or wanting something, just know the difference. Be aware that your happiness does not rely on your wants and likes. If you think it does, then think again. Ultimately satisfaction and fulfillment does not come from our external or material world. Happiness and being content is a state that comes from your attitude, it comes from within.
Prioritise your happiness and well-being
Ultimately, each person is responsible for meeting their own needs. That said, there are certain needs that involve others such as the need for love, belonging, safety, connection, and intimacy. After all we are hunter-gatherers and work well because of our interrelationships. Remember that needs and how people fulfil them will vary between individuals, cultures, and even different parts of the same society.
Without knowing what your secondary needs are – the needs associated with your happiness and well-being, you are more likely to revert to negative and destructive behaviours in an attempt to satisfy them. For many people, they are flying blind.
If you want to significantly improve the way you relate, communicate, and interact with others, then know what you need. The more insight and awareness you have, the more you can constructively satisfy your needs.
An unfulfilled life leads to frustration, unhappiness, and discontent. Self-discovery is the road less travelled, but it will lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful life. To achieve this, you need to go within. For if you don’t go within, you will go without.
Are you ready to start the process and do a little soul searching?
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